Making Peace

Today was unexpectedly better.

I woke up scrolling through Instagram again. My phone being in black and white mode has been helpful to make it less interesting. It’s a coping skill that’s doin’ it’s job though after recent events.

For physical activity Impulsive kitchen floor Yoga. In the past we used an online video for the practice. I used to get upset attempting yoga after years of not having a weekly practice. I knew the poses but my body couldn’t keep up. I was fighting my thoughts for most of the video and I would just end up crying and cranky. I accept that I have a disability and I won’t be able to stay active like I used to 7 years ago. So, doing physical activity that I can enjoy and not need to take a break for 2 days after (lol) is more my jam. I felt it was better to do poses and stretches that were more aligned with what my body needed in the moment.

Accomplishing the errand I dreaded doing. Going out to run errands can be challenging for me. I have to visualize which route I have to take, prepare myself to interact with others by imagining the conversations or ways they might interact with me. I had to go get my car’s oil changed, which I usually do myself at home. So… I had to think of which entrance to take, where do I park, will they take my keys? don’t forget my mask, bring my bag, how many people are sitting in the waiting room, will it only cost what they said on the phone? I hope someone is at the counter or it will be awkward to wait.
They had me sit in my car during the oil change…… I did not prepare for that. So now I’ve got men asking me of things while I’m in my car. Being Neurodivergent I want to observe people in how they act so I can understand people better but it was really awkward to do that here. I couldn’t muster the courage to pull out my sketchbook and doodle to pass the time, I ended up just scrolling on my phone. Womp.
I was not prepared to answer the questions the guy needed to ask me I panicked and thought to myself how can I be the most helpful right now? I fumbled and told him where the oil filter was. That felt pretty rude now that I think about it, considering… he does it daily. In my defense, they were looking under my hood for a very long time and I thought they had a hard time finding it. Turns out I have mice snacking on wires for the thrill. Fun.